Today’s Anthem: It’s My Mega Fail of an Anthem.

Here is today’s DISCOUNT NEWS. Remember – these stories may be a few days old…but if you haven’t heard it – it’s news to you!

  • So we have heard these types of stories before…and gentlemen….bear down.  A 22 year old man decided that he had always felt like a woman.  He wanted to finally fulfill that wish and decided…off with the wong.  Only problem – he did it himself.  Some folks at the hospital claimed the man was suffering from gender confusion issues (ya don’t say) when he chopped off his manhood and after he couldn’t stop the bleeding decided to head into the ER.  Now when this dude-gal came to the hospital he told nurses he hurled his wong into a park on his way to the hospital because, “He didn’t need it anymore.”  Well – congrats do it yourselfer…you’re today’s douchebag of the day!
  • So a 98 year old broad died over the weekend and the coroner was transporting his body when someone jacked his van.  Well – this broad probably saved a theft…because right down the road…the van was ditched…probably because of the DEAD BODY IN THE BACK!  GOO!
  • Studies show that fat women are put in embarassing situations 5 times a day.  They are:
    1. Looking in the mirror
    2. Looking at pictures
    3. Trying on clothes
    4. Hanging out with friends
    5. Changing clothes for a night on the town.
  • Well yesterday I reported that only one head coach was let go…well later in the day – it happened again. Tom Cable was told he will NOT be returning to coach the Oakland Raiders. The Club has decided to not pick up his option next year. No word on the replacement for Cable.
  • Mizzou will play it’s final game against a non-conference opponent tonight in Columbia. They take on Northern Alabama. Slu on the other hand opens up conference play tonight as they take on Dayton.
  • The Giants have openly expressed interest in bring back Plaxico Burress after he is released from jail next June. Now – there are a couple things that need to happen. First – the league has to decide when he is allowed to come back, he has to meet with Goddell – and finally, the Giants have to stay true to their word on actually bringing him back. Burress’ releases matches up with the start of training camp – so hell – we’ll see if he gets a second chance.
  • And finally – Mizzou Quarterback Blaine Gabbert has declared himself eligible for the NFL Draft this upcoming year

- Montel Williams was caught with a pot pipe yesterday….funny!
- Football killed in the TV ratings last week! KILLED!
- Mickey Rourke…he is going to have his two front teeth pulled to play a gay rugby guy in a movie.  Him…two frnt teeth you say….Interesting…
- Leif Garret is trying to claim that the VH1 producers made him relapse for the footage.  They say..not a chance.
- Foo Fighters have released their 7th studio album.  Nice!  Should be out in spring time.

- Gerry Rafferty has passed away…You know his songs….Bakers Street, Stuck In the Middle….

David Letterman: Jennifer Connelly, Dr. Mehmet Oz, Justin Townes Earle
Jay Leno: Jamie Foxx, Leighton Meester
Jimmy Kimmel: Simon Baker, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Lloyd Banks
Craig Ferguson: Henry Winkler, Paula Deen
Jimmy Fallon: Tim McGraw, Emmy Rossum, the Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger
Carson Daly: Frank Darabont, Matt Sax, Ra Ra Riot (R 10/29/10)
Conan O’Brien: Kourtney, Kim & Khloe Kardashian, Kevin Nealon, Deerhunter (R 12/2/10)
Lopez Tonight: Denzel Washington, Hilary Duff, Russell Peters (R 11/11/10)

Actor Robert Duvall is 80.
Talk-show host Charlie Rose is 69.
Actress Diane Keaton is 65.
Actor Clancy Brown (Highlander, voice of Mr. Krabs on SpongeBob SquarePants) is 52.
Singer Marilyn Manson is 42.
“The Hangover” star Bradley Cooper is 36
Actress January Jones is 33.
“The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari is 24

Leena – 42 –
This hooker for hire has dropped her panties quicker than the New Years Ball in over 101 fine films including:
- Booty Ho
- Leena Meets Frankenstein
- Eight Ain’t Enough
- Butt Hunt 22
- Butt Naked Vol 2
- Juranal Park
Today’s Headline Hooshe comes to us from Illinois where a man and his sister got into a brief fight on New Years Eve. The two got into a physical altercation after she grabbed the last Polish Sausage.  Police say that the man slapped her in the face and then went to grab his gun before going outside to clear his head. Ask me if there was alcohol involved?  You betcha!  The man already has three prior felonies and is currently being held on bond at $125,000!

Three men were arrested in Sunset Hills after they were caught looting from victims homes that suffered the loss of their residence after the Tornados last week!  An actual homeowner saw them trying to take copper wire and an air conditioner from one of the flattened homes.  What a bunch of tools. New policy.  Looters in Sunset Hills will be shot at first sight.  See ya!

iPOD CHALLENGE:  It’s in Patrico’s iPOD.