Today’s Anthem: The anthem is BUTCHERED…badly. Very badly!
- A dude was watching the Lakers game the other day and wondered why do black people get tattoos? Which is true. It sucks they can’t get any color…it just doesn’t show up. That sucks. He brings up a good point…ALSO – If a co-worker has a lazy eye, where do I look to talk to him? The correct answer is look directly in between his eyes right at the top of his nose.
- A woman asked how old is too old for taking your son into the ladies room? Woody says if he’s old enough to handle his own business then he’d be able to. Possible answer should be around 1st grade. We ask you…how old is too old?!
- A chick met a dude on Match.com. Well – things went O.K, then the relationship went sour and they broke up. He broke into her house, and beat her and stabbed her so badly that she is still alive, but REALLY IN BAD SHAPE. Turns out this dude murdered his last girlfriend a few days before. Creepy. Mega creepy.
- The gal that took the picture of her 11 month old taking a hit from a bong…well she dodged a bullet and just got a fine and didn’t have her kid taken away….well now she’s fighting that too. What a stupid bitch. Her Facebook and Myspace name is…ready for this…RachelXReefer. What a tardo.
- So just last week a Republican Congressman named Chris Lee was busted for sending a gal a shirtless photo after he met her on Craigslist. Well – he’s married…so that’s strike one. And now we hear about strike 2. He had JUST given a lecture on intelligent use of information technology. REALLY?! After THAT lecture you do the dumbest thing with technology you possible could have. Come on now!
- It should be known…be aware when answer an ad on Craiglist. There was an apartment for rent – for free in New York. The ad said she could live with a dude for free if he cooked and cleaned. Well – that wasn’t essentially what happened. He kidnapped her and made her his sex slave. She was handcuffed to a radiator and held captive for 8 days.
- Cops in Florida say a teen has said bite marks on her body came from Twilight inspired role playing…which is a much different story when she first claimed that someone attacked her when she was out jogging. The 15 year old idiot girl has been charged with making a false report. Officials say that she is a huge fan of Twilight and had engaged in “fantasy biting” with a 19 year old man in August and got scared her parents would see the bite marks. She told her mom that she had been attacked. Deputies investigated and couldn’t find any evidence of the attack, and she finally confessed – saying she made the whole thing up.
- Cops found a dude passed out in his car. When they searched him – they found a bunch of crack rock in his pocket of his shirt. When the cops asked where he got it…he said he had just bought some new shirts – and it must have been in there. The cops didn’t believe him, they arrested him.
- In case you didn’t hear about it at least ONE BILLION times already…..the deadline came and went and no deal was made between the Cards and Albert Pujols. Albert will become a free agent at the end of the season. ESPN says it’s possible that negotiations will happen quietly, behind the scenes, but not to expect a deal until after the season.
- The Rams are considering heading to Rolla for their off season workouts. Now, Ram’s head coach Steve Spagnolo says he likes to get his players away from the big city distractions for a few week just to focus on the game. The Rams currently hold their offseason workouts at Ram’s Park in Earth City.
- Ramp Riders all across the country are sad today as yesterday Lance Armstrong announced his foreal official retirement from cycling…..for the second time. But this time he says it is for sure. At his conference he was asked if he’s going to pull a Brett Favre and comeback again and he said, “Never say never…just kidding.”
- And quickly here is a fail story out of Riz’s favorite sport NASCAR. Dale Earnhardt Jr. had the pole position (first of all) for this weekends Daytona 500. But yesterday during a practice race – dude crashed his car and now will have to race with his reserve ride. As for starting at the top of the pack? Not anymore…he now will start the race at the very back.
- Charlie Sheen called into the Dan Patrick show…again. He had advice for Lindsay Lohan. He says: “Work on your impulse control…just think things through.” He wanted everyone to know he is grateful of his bosses to shut the show down and told him to get it together. He also says he’s never been drunk or high on the set.
- 2011 is the year of the sequel. There are a bunch of part 4′s and a bunch of part 5′s. There are a couple of Part 7′s and Part 8′s. WTF. It’s all about the releases.
- Kate Moss was hammered and in a sex shop the other day. She was simulating oral sex on it. Ha! What a tard. It’d def be awesome to see her at a sex shop.
- Lindsay Lohan will NOT be on Letterman tonight. She says that she never agreed to it.
- JWoww … she has turned down Playboy numerous times. But – she says that it’s definitely not out of the question but – who knows.
- MTV said when Beavis and Butthead returns this fall they will make fun of Music Videos, Jersey Shore, Youtube Videos, and UFC Fights.
- Michael Vick canceled his interview with Oprah. He says it wants to reschedule it.
- Uncle Leo (from Seinfeld) died last night. He was 88 years old. He died in his sleep.
David Letterman: Paris Hilton, Nathan Fillion, Scissor Sisters
Jay Leno: Jenna Fischer, Abigail Breslin, Miguel
Jimmy Kimmel: Jason Sudeikis, Blake Griffin, Keri Hilson
Craig Ferguson: Sarah Chalke, Louie Anderson
Jimmy Fallon: William H. Macy, Michael Showalter, Dan St. Germain
Carson Daly: David O. Russell, Bouncing Cats, Two Door Cinema Club
Conan O’Brien: Martin Short, Chris Bosh, Nicole Atkins
Lopez Tonight: Hayden Panetierre, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Far East Movement
NFL Hall of Famer Jim Brown is 75
Actress Rene Russo is 57.
Actor Richard Karn (Home Improvement) is 55.
Actor Lou Diamond Phillips is 49.
NBA’er Michael Jordan is 48
Comedian Lawrence the Cable Guy is 48.
Actor Dominic Purcell (Prison Break) is 41.
Actress Denise Richards is 40.
Singer-guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day is 39.
Actor Jerry O’Connell is 37.
Actor Jason Ritter (Joan of Arcadia) is 31.
Actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt is 30.
Poppy Morgan -28 -Today’s hooker for hire has been entered more times than the Publisher’s Clearing House in many fine films including:
- Knob Noshers
- Pulp Friction
- I Can’t Believe I Took The Whole Thing
- The Making Of A Whore
- Appetite For Ass Destruction Vol 2
- The Good Bad & The Filthy
A Pennsylvania woman has been arrested when she peed in a bakery…FREEZER! Seriously! Cops said that this broad climbed into one of the store’s walk-in freezers and became upset when employees asked her to get out. A friend opened up the freezer and said, “Did you pee in there?” And the woman replied…”Why yes I did.” She was arrested for disorderly conduct and damaged almost $500 dollars worth of food. Cops said they saw frozen liquid on the ground when they went into the freezer! GOO!
Check out the 8AM podcast for our SEXY TIME FUN FACTS – LESBIAN STORIES!!!!!!
HERE ARE SOME OF OUR FAVORITE CALLERS FROM TODAY’S LESBIAN STORIES!
- Girl made out a bar with a random chick and all of her friends
- Girl had a slumber party and it turned into dirty Truth or Dare
- Lady made out with a chick on the river
- Worked with full blown Lesbian who seduced her
- A guy passed out during 3some and chicks had at it
- A dude had problems…rising to the occasion…so the chicks just got after it themselves!
- Chick made out with her friend…and then just ended up completely naked and full blown going at it.
- Chick had a 3some with a dude and the chicks did the most stuff and he told EVERYONE!
CONTESTANT #1 – Joanna
CATEGORY:Woody and Rizzuto Show Trivia
QUESTION: What is Rizzuto’s old GF’s nickname who cheated on him?
HER CORRECT PHONE NUMBER: 636-692-3150 ((YEAH – I EFFED UP. SORRY. MOVING ON….))