Today’s Anthem: It’s The Tard Anthem!
EMAILS FROM THE PEOPLE!
Erica writes in….last week she went on a first date with a dude…she invited him into the apartment…he went into the apartment and dominated her bathroom….he asked for another roll of toilet paper and she was positive that there was half a roll on the spool already. WHAT WE SAID: He had to deuce….let it go. Want him to have smeared ass?
Angie writes in…my boyfriend and I were talking about moving in together… but his dog and her dog don’t get along. What should she do?
WHAT WE SAID: Angie…this dog is coming in the way of a relationship? If you truly like this guy..the dog has to bounce.
Tom writes in…Question for the chicks. Tom talked to a chick and she blew him off. He stood up for her after some drunk was all over her…and then she dug him. He wants to know if chicks dig when grown ass men fight…
WHAT WE SAID: Standing up for a chick is cool…but fist fights are childish. Chicks don’t dig it. At all.
HOW DO YOU LADIES STAND ON THIS?
- Shaving Ryan’s Privates ((MASTERS ENDORSES))
- There is a substance that is included in some toys and some household items. It’s called DEHP. Well – some folks in Europe have said that this chemical effects the male anatomy. It shrinks the wiener…it effects erections, it also prolongs the dropping of the testicles and shrink the taint area. WAIT…IT SHRINKS THE MOTHER EFFIN TAINT?! GOO! Apparently it can leech into liquids and then effect you. Oh god!
- We’ve seen people eat a bunch of bizarre foods. Check this out…there is a thing called Wildfoods Festival. Here are some of the items: Raw Scorpions, Deep Fried Grubs, Chocolate Covered Beetles….and….Shots of Horse Semen. I seriously would type more about this…but I’m out. I just vomited.
- The feud between Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and the public service workers is showing no signs of a quick end here. And now the governor is saying that state employees could start getting laid off if a bill getting rid of the collective bargaining rights isn’t passed soon. Check out the 9AM Podcast for Woody and Riz’s take on unions and labor laws. It’s actually quite informative. I consider it politics for the every man.
- The Blues got two early goals, but the Blackhawks scored 4 goals in the second period and went on to win 5-3. The Blues play their 4th game in 5 days tonight…it’s a makeup game against Colorado that was canceled because of the “Storm Of the Century” a couple weeks ago. Face off is 7PM on Fox Sports Midwest.
- Carmelo Anthony is now a New York Knick after FINALLY being traded yesterday by the Denver Nuggets. According to ESPN, the trade involves three teams including the Nuggets, Knicks and the Timberwolves and will be finalized today.
- This is kind of funny…. Last year– Rafael Furcal – shortstop for the Dodgers…wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay with LA or go back to the Atlanta Braves. Well he stuck in L.A. And the reason he chose the Dodgers? They offered not only to match Atlanta’s contract offer – 3 years/$30 million, they also threw in a fire truck. Back in his hometown in the Dominican Republic, they needed a fire truck – so once the Dodgers offered it to him, he knew that’s exactly what where he wanted to play. Furcal already picks up the bill for the ENTIRE health care system for the near 6,000 people in his hometown.
- And finally – labor talks in the NFL continue, and they hold pretty strong on their media blackout – meaning no information is being leaked ….but a couple players that have sat in on the meetings said things are going very well. The New York Jets aren’t taking any chances though. They say if a lock out happens – all team employees MUST take a one week non-paid vacation….EACH month. Team reps have said if the labor dispute is settled quickly, employees will be reimbursed for the time they took off.
- Mike Starr – the old bassist from Alice in Chains – and “successful” rehab patient was caught with drugs and arrested over the weekend. Literally – a few days after he was said to be a successfully rehabed patient….he gets arrested. So funny!
- The Daytona 500 had the best ratings since 2008 on Sunday.
- Jesse James is going to write an autobiography and reveal intimate details about his marriage to Sandra Bullock and his engagement to Kat Von D.
- Check out the new releases today….CLICK HERE.
David Letterman: Amy Poehler, Dusty the Cat, Deerhunter
Jay Leno: Owen Wilson, Rachel Maddow, Anberlin
Jimmy Kimmel: Cameron Diaz, Henry Winkler, Cake
Craig Ferguson: John Waters, Malin Akerman
Jimmy Fallon: Jeremy Irons, the Farrelly Brothers, Destroyer
Carson Daly: RedOne, Richard King, Menomena
Conan O’Brien: Matthew Perry, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Jason Aldean
Lopez Tonight: Martin Lawrence, Jared Leto, 30 Seconds to Mars
Actor Paul Dooley is 83.
SNL Voiceover Guy Don Pardo is 93
Actor John Ashton is 63.
Actress Julie Walters is 61.
Actor Kyle MacLachlan is 52.
Comedian Rachel Dratch is 45.
Actor Paul Lieberstein (The Office) is 44.
Actress Jeri Ryan is 43.
Actor Thomas Jane is 42.
Actor Jose Solano (Baywatch) is 40.
Drummer Scott Phillips of Creed and of Alter Bridge is 38.
Actress Drew Barrymore is 36.
Singer James Blunt is 34.
Jenna Haze – 29 – today’s bday girl has fitted more pipe than the 4,500 workers in the Local 562 in 516 filthy films including:
- Enema Nursing School
- Anal Princess Diaries
- Face Invaders Vol 2
- First Person Shooter
- Backside Story
- Say Aloha To My A-Hola
- White Water Shafting
- Gobble The Goop Vol 3
- Big F-ing A-holes 2
There is a girl in Michigan who found her mom on that website PeopleOfWalmart.com. This chicks mom’s picture, was one of the more tame pictures that have been featured on that website. Well – this gal freaks out and calls the TV station. It makes the news. Thousands of people saw the picture. Why call the news? It says on the webpage, “If you want your picture taken down…just email us and we’ll take it down…” In her DEE-fense….some hoosiers just can’t reads goods neither. Check out the picture…HAHA! Denim trench coat? WTF! ((CLICK THE PICTURE TO VIEW IT LARGER))
- How bad does this suck? A woman had her house burned down….well she walked home from her friends house and when she just got home…the news crew was there as she first was on the scene. That sucks…check out this video: CLICK HERE.
- A dude had his wong and his coin purse cut off and almost got sliced in half when he got his member and friend caught in a machine to tear up carpets. UH!
- Two 10 year old girls were hurt when a gust of wind picked up a bounce house and one girl landed on a roof two houses down!
- A gal died in her cubicle the other day ((It was of natural causes)) and she sat there for almost two days.
- A dude in Portland crashed his car in a hospital parking lot and he was hurt pretty bad. A witness yells for help…well policy says that someone has to call 911 before someone heads out. So about 10 minutes later….the dude bled out and DIED! DAMN THE POLICY. DO IT.
- A woman in Tennessee gets a call on her cell phone while she’s at work. It’s her son who is over in Afghanistan. She very rarely talks to him. She talks to him for a short while. Her job however has a no cell phones policy. She was suspended for 3 days with out pay. They said, “The policy is the policy…” COME ON! GIVE HER A BREAK!
HATE @ 8….it’s BAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!! CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL AUDIO FROM TODAY’S HATE @ 8 SEGMENT! ((INCLUDING A RANT FROM WOODY ABOUT P.F CHANGS IN BRENTWOOD!))
GUESS THE STATE:
A cop was trying to pull over a car and the driver didn’t pull over. What did he do? He jumped over the seats and sat in the back seat and the passenger moved over to the drivers side. Cops questioned both of them. The guy who was Driver #1 didn’t have a liscene and had a little bit of the Mary Jane on him. That’s why he bailed. Retard. WHAT STATE? FLORIDA!
GOTT GAME WITH STEVE MANBALLS MASTERS:
CHECK THE 9AM PODCAST FOR GOTTGAME WITH MASTERS. Check out his website by clicking HERE.
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