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Today’s Anthem: HENDRIX!
WILL IT FLUSH! POINTFEST TIX!
Hey Everyone! The Rapture has been rescheduled! The guys says that God has come spiritually – we don’t know how he has come…but he’s here…and the Rapture is upon us. Really? Come on now! He says be prepared for October 21st. That’s when Jesus will return and the Rapture continues.
Continuing our conversation from yesterday - couples have on average – 312 times a year. Whether big or small – arguments happen on average almost the full year. Dudes hate that women take to long to get ready, nagging about chores, leaving lights on, hair in the drain, hoarding stuff, channel surfing and argue about dinner. Women argue about channel surfing, leaving lights on, leaving dirty cups around the house.
It’s a sad day on Woody and Rizzuto this morning…….
……..Fred has officially been TEMPORARILY Impeached as of 7:40M
- A 61 year old dude from Washington has made love…seriously boning…over 1,000 cars. This dude says he isn’t a freak and doesn’t want to hurt anyone…REALLY?! YOU BANG CARS! He says he has never had sexual feelings for males or females…but he was just attracted to cars. We are thinking tailpipe relations.
- In Tennessee, a dude was taking a doodie and the guy in stall next to him asked, “Are you gay?” He said NO….then the guy said, “Wanna perform on me?” The guy said no….And then the idiot pushed his glistening white ass under the stall and then the dude just trying to poo had enough.
- 25 year old dude in Florida pleasured himself to completion on an airplane. He was charged with indecent exposure and acts.
- When you gotta go – you gotta go. A 4th grade substitute teacher had to tinkle real bad…and then peed into a garbage can. One of the kids saw him doing it and he was charged with child molestation.
- Check out some Joplin tornado videos:
- Albert Pujols ended the longest homerun drought of his career last night as he homered for the first time in 105 at bats. The Cards went on to beat the Padres 3-1. The two teams are at it again tonight. First pitch is scheduled for 9:05PM.
- The NBA has officially fined Joakim Noah for the bulls for called a fan a faggot during Sunday night’s game. The league fined him $50,000….which is HALF of what they fined Kobe for the same thing earlier this year. The NBA said its because Kobe’s fine included verbal abuse of a game official. Noah went on to say: “. I said the wrong thing and I’m going to pay the consequences . . . deal with the consequences . . . like a man.”
- In NBA action – the Dallas Mavericks came from behind and beat the Oklahoma City Thunder in overtime last night. They are now up in the series 3 games to 1. Tonight – it’s game 4 between the Heat and Bulls. Miami leads that series 2 games to 1.
- NHL playoffs continued last night with Boston getting the win over Tampa. The Bruins lead that series 3 games to 2. Tonight – the Canucks have their chance to advance to the Stanley Cup Playoffs with a victory over the Sharks. Tonights game is at 9PM.
- And some NFL notes: Around 30 members of the St. Louis Rams headed to Lindenwood University yesterday to start informal workouts. There were no helmets, no pads, no coaches, no team staff, and no NFL or Rams logos in sight – which is all forbidden under lockout rules, but the team did run through drills and conditioning exercises. The next big date in the NFL lockout mess is June 3rd where players and the league will meet in the appeal of the lockout.
- Macho Man will have a private memorial and will be cremated.
- Mike Tyson got paid $200,000 for the Hangover 2…and he is on the soundtrack singing One Night In Bangkok.
- The New Muppets Movie Trailer:
- Apparently there is going to be a Candyland movie. And there is also in the works and Battleship and Monopoly Board games.
LATE NIGHT TV:
David Letterman: Ewan McGregor, Scott Pelley, Brad Paisley
Jay Leno: Meredith Vieira, Demetri Martin, Ben Harper
Jimmy Kimmel: The winners of “Dancing with the Stars”, Taylor Lautner, Britney Spears
Craig Ferguson: Courteney Cox, Carrot Top
Jimmy Fallon: Ed Helms, the Cars
Carson Daly: Mike Mills, Foster the People, MNDR
Conan O’Brien: Topher Grace, Melissa McCarthy, Beardyman
Lopez Tonight: Jack Black, Elisha Cuthbert, the Script
Bob Dylan is 70
John C. Reilly is 46
Gary Burghoff is 68
Priscilla Presley is 66
Mark Ballas is 25
Tommy Chong is 73
Heavy D is 44
Emma Heart – 23 – Today’s birthday hooker has shown she can handle more meat than a Pizza Hut meat lovers pizza in 148 fine films including:
- Cameltoe Workout
– Big Slipper White Butts 3
– Tinkle Time
– Daddy’s Worst Nightmare 11
– Load Warriors
– I Eff Myself
– JO Material
– Innocent Until Proven Filthy Vol 6
– Anal Ballerinas
– Bubble Butts Drive Brothas Nutz Vol 3
- A gas station in Washington accidentally charged only $1.10 PER GALLON for gas. The mix up accidentally charged people who owned the gas station $21,000 dollars! SUCKS!
- Two men from North Carolina were driving around on an ATV – one guy was riding bitch – and he fell off the ATV and got ran over by some lawn mower equipment.
- A dude was on a golf course having a great day when he was attacked by a fox. Then they beat the Fox to death. And…the Fox had rabies.
- A woman in England has a disease where she can’t watch TV, she can’t talk on the phone or listen to the radio. She can only play Scrabble with her husband by candlelight. iPhone’s make her feel sick within 20 minutes. WiFi makes her head feel like its going to explode. She’s basically allergic to electricity.
- A woman was cooking with a pressure cooker…it exploded…and severed the woman’s leg right off. CRAZY! SUCKS!
- Here is a security footage of a mailman – driving into a parking lot – and doesn’t realize the truck is not in park.
ops in Florida said a man stole an 18 pack of Bud Light from a 7-Eleven because he had a special agenda. They say the guy took the beer from the store and then threw it in his SWEET silver Dodge Neon. Cops found them down the road…changing their tire…and confronted the guy about the stolen beer. The man – who ended up being a 20 year old dude – said he stole it so he could “score some women.” Cops arrested the man but he was unable to tell them where the stolen beer was.
GUESS THE STATE:
GOTT GAME WITH STEVE MANBALLS MASTERS!:
CHECK THE 9AM PODCAST FOR GOTTGAME WITH MASTERS. Check out his website by clicking HERE.
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