NINJA STICKER C/O WOODY AND RIZZUTO
401 S. 18th St
St. Louis, MO 63103
Today’s Anthem: Tard Anthem
NEW WORLD RECORDS:
–Longest Female Tongue. The prize goes to 21-year-old Chanel Tapper of Los Angeles, California, whose tongue is 3.8 inches from the tip to the top of her lip. Basically, it extends down at least an inch past her CHIN.
–Tallest Man. 28-year-old Sultan Kosen of Ankara, Turkey is the new record holder at EIGHT FEET, THREE INCHES. He was measured back in February . . . so by now, he might even be a little bit taller.
–Longest Beard, Male. Not sure why they needed to specify “male” for this . . . but the record holder is 59-year-old Sarwan Singh of Canada who has a seven foot, nine inch beard. At least two feet of it seem to drag on the ground.
–Largest Afro. Guinness has more SOUL than we realized. 36-year-old Aevin Dugas of New Orleans, Louisiana is the new record holder . . . her fro has a circumference of four feet, four inches.
The average family lives in a house for 8 years before they move out….a new study shows that this happens in about those 8 years:
- 2,000 Arguments
- 928 Sex Sessions
- 233 Slammed Doors
- 4,880 Kisses
- 14,016 TV Shows
- 957 Spills
- 274 Small or Large Repair Projects
- 1,144 Visitors
- Three Pets
- Two Cars
- The Birth of One Child
CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME NEW TAXIDERMY COMMERCIAL!
CULLMAN LIQUIDATION COMMERCIAL:
1. Air Bud (Rizzuto, Patrico, and Manballs Endorse)
2. The Tight End
3. Dollar Bill
- Man or a Woman? Who was driving? A 2001 Cadillac Deville was going about 40 mph when the driver was trying to park in a handicapped space when they accidentally barreled through a bike store. It plowed into the store – through a wall – and the back wheels continued to spin. The car destroyed about $30,000 worth of merchandise and about $30,000 of actual damage to the store. So – who was driving? MAN OR WOMAN?! ((COME ON….IT WAS A WOMAN….AN 86 YEAR OLD BROAD!))
- Women – they are the devil – always causing the problems…A woman in Chicago was backing out of her driveway when her accelerator got stuck. She crashed through her neighbor’s house and killed a guy playing video games. They guy’s roommate survived…but when police looked over the damage – the found his pot-growing operation, gun, and cash. He was arrested
- A woman is taking a dude to court and he is being ordered to pay her because he didn’t have enough sex with her. The judge granted the divorce and ruled the husband was solely responsible for the split. That’s when the wife got the idea to take him BACK to court to sue him. The husband claimed that “tiredness and health problems” were the reasons.
- Last night on Monday Night Football – the Rams lost to the Giants 28-16. The Giants scored all 4 touchdowns on 4 Rams mistakes. The major blow came when the Giants returned a 65 yard fumble for a touchdown. Bradford threw for 331 yards – but only saw the endzone once. It’s a short week for the Rams. They play the Ravens on Sunday at the Dome.
- A Cards 4-3 win over the Phillies, and the Marlins walk off win over the Braves now bring the Cards only 2.5 games out of the NL Wild Card Lead. The team is back in St. Louis this week – they start things off tonight against the Mets – first pitch is scheduled for 7:10PM. In the AL, the Redsox and Rays are keeping things close. Two games separate the teams and both teams are in action tonight.
- Yankees closer Mariano Rivera set the new Major League saves record Monday throwing a 1,2,3 ninth at Yankee Stadium against the Twins to get the 6-4 win and get his 602nd save. He passes Trevor Hoffman’s previous mark of 601. Even more remarkable, the record doesn’t include the 42 post-season saves by the future Hall of Famer.
- And if there is one person excited about this…it has to be Woody. Tonight….at 7PM. The St. Louis Blues open their preseason against the Tampa Bay Lightning! Hells yes!
- Ashton Kutcher was on 2 1/2 men last night…The premiere was exactly what everyone said it was going to be. Ashton Kutcher played what seemed to be an older dude from That 70′s Show. 52% of our listeners thought the show was “EH.” Anytime we talk about Two and A Half Men I think of this…
- Here’s a Dummy’s Guide about NetFlix..
- Back In July Netflix said that they would be charging more money to have both the online and DVD movies.
- Now – they are splitting the company (Quickster: DVD & Video games and Netflix: Streaming)
- Downside: @Qwickster is already taken on Twitter and it’s by some dude who Tweets about pot.
- Downside: Qwickster will require you to have ANOTHER account
- The White House Crasher’s dog died. Boo Hoo. Is this a WHO FRIGGIN CARES?!
- Someone stole John Travolta’s classic Mercedes Benz. Sucks!
- Christina Milan found some already chewed gum in her food the other day. Neato! Actually it’s pretty disgusting.
Gary Cole is 55
Guy LaFleur is 60
Kristen Johnston is 44
Nuno Bettencourt is 45
Sophia Loren is 77
Gunnar And Matthew Mother Effin Nelson are 44
Alex Jordan – 44 – Today’s birthday girl has been bent over more than a yoga instructor in 183 fine films including:
- Tailiens Vol 3
- Bitches In Heat
- Misty’s First Whipping
- Club Anal
- Licking Legends Vol 2
- The Boodyguard
- MILF It Does A Boner Good
- Nasty Nymphos Vol 8
- Rump Humpers
- The Best Butt In the West
- Beverly Hills 902-69
Today’s Headline Hooshe comes to us from Florida where 51 year old Gene Fahr who’d been drinkin’ blamed his mom for him breaking up with his girlfriend. His mom -who is 80 and wears an oxygen mask – was hanging out in her room when he walked in and pepper sprayed a fan. He took her phone and siabled her computer and told her she wouldn’t be contacting anyone. Using a phone in the other room the mom called the cops and said her son had “turned on her.” Gene tried to get in the room by shooting at the door knob a couple times, which actually made him unable to open the door. Cops WERE able to get to him before he could hurt his mom. He was charged with attempted murder, battery on a person age of 65, two weapons offenses and obstruction of justice.
THAT SUCKS STORIES:
- Last Friday – in Reno -a plane crashed into the bleachers at an air show, killing 19 people including the pilot and the eight spectators. It’s crazy. Check out the video:
- A man who let some random people use his cell phone was shot. All because they took his phone. SUCKS!
- A man in a wheelchair in California accidentally disturbed a hive of bees and they got mega pissed. Over 60,00 bees swarmed this dude and he was stung over 60 times. His condition isn’t known. SUCKS!
- An 80 year old dude offered a ride to 4 women who ended up car jacking him and beating the hell out of him with his own cane. SUCKS!
- During a street fight – a guy bit off a dude’s eyebrow, chewed it up, and spit it out. Docs were unable to reattach it. THAT SUCKS!
- A woman was having a nightmare and screamed as she was a passenger in a car. The driver got startled and lost control of the car and ended up rolling the vehicle. Everyone was ok and taken to the hospital but SUCKS!
- A guy started to direct traffic when cops didn’t show up in time and he wanted to try and clear the intersection. When cops DID show up…they ticketed the man. SUCKS!
- From ages 30-70 men will lose a 1/2 inch in length and girth – plus your middle aged belly creates the illusion of even more shrinkage. SUCKS!
GOTT GAME WITH STEVE MANBALLS MASTERS!
CHECK THE 8AM PODCAST FOR GOTTGAME WITH MASTERS. Check out his website by clicking HERE.
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