FRIDAY FAIL STORIES (03/30/2012)

Maybe you have the perfect plan. It was set and good to go. Then all of sudden, almost out of no where, MEGA….UBER….ULTRA….FAILLLLL!

LISTEN TO TODAY’S FAIL STORIES ON THE PLAYER BELOW:

A teen in England died after losing control of his speeding car…and cops know bcause the last photo this dude took was the speedometer at 105 miles per hour right before the crash!  FAIL!

How not to go BASE jumping: jump from a 600-foot cliff with your parachute on backwards. Sam Baker followed these directions to perfection, and after slamming into the cliff face and falling hundreds of feet, the Arizona man only injured his ankle. A credit to man’s resiliency against the forces of the universe, or really, really bad mistake? After two other buddies jumped from a cliff in the Superstition Mountains, Baker took his fateful turn, which ended with the parachute, packed backwards, deploying and sending him face first into the cliff. But somehow, the wind carried him and lodged his body into a crevasse about 150 feet from the bottom of the canyon. He would have fallen to his death otherwise. FAIL!

One person was injured in a kite surfing accident on Lake Mangonia this afternoon, hitting a building on North Australian Avenue. The kite surfer, who was not identified, struck the side of the building, which houses a branch of Oakwood Center of the Palm Beaches, a mental-health facility. The one-story building, on the west side of Australian Avenue, is on the shore of Lake Mangonia. Winds this afternoon were clocked at 15 mph, with gusts as high as 31 mph, the National Weather Service said. The surfer was taken to St. Mary’s Medical Center after complaining of a pain in the side. There was no damage to the building, a West Palm Beach police spokeswoman said.

An employee of a pirate-themed bar found his character’s sea legs last weekend, using a sword to thwart a tire-iron wielding burglar during a wild duel in Daytona Beach, Fla. A security guard at Captain Steamer’s Oyster Bar armed himself with a blade when he heard a loud noise at 5:20 a.m. on Sunday. The watchman, Anthony Brisbane, said he encountered a masked man lurking in the restaurant’s kitchen. Brisbane jabbed the perp in the stomach with the sword. The alleged intruder — later identified as Trevor Pufall, 29 — supposedly begged “Don’t kill me, don’t kill me,”. Keeping the rapier pressed to Pufall’s gut, Brisbane dialed 911, but the suspect allegedly cracked the security guard in the head repeatedly with a tire iron. In the ensuing scuffle, Brisbane cut himself on the sword, which was broken to begin with. Brisbane claimed to police that he threw Pufall on the floor and hit him upside the head with a full beer bottle. Then, he held a screwdriver to Pufall’s neck and escorted him outside to await arriving cops. Pufall tried to convince police that Brisbane started the brawl by dragging him into the closed pub, but cops didn’t buy it.

Police in Connecticut have arrested a man they say accidentally called 911 while he was stealing scrap metal early Thursday morning. A 911 dispatcher heard muffled background noises and used GPS technology to determine the caller’s location. Southington Police arrived and reportedly found 46-year-old Michael Gorneau at a private business loading 700 lbs. of scrap metal from a dumpster into a pick-up truck

A 74 year old dude in Taiwan hired a hooker…banged her…paid her…and then collapsed dead!  He ended up choking on his DENTURES! FAIL!

Actress and dancer Zina Feeley was killed the other day while trying to help an injured possum. Feeley was just days away from her 67 birthday when she tried to help the animal shortly after midnight Sunday. Police say she Feely was driving when she saw the animal in the road and stopped to give assistance. As she was walking towards the animal, she was struck by a car. The impact threw Feeley into the opposite lane where she was struck by a second vehicle and drug underneath the car for over 600 feet. She was then struck by a third vehicle. The drivers of the first two vehicles that hit Feely stayed at the scene, the third one did not. Paramedics pronounced Feely dead at the scene and police would like to talk to the motorists who fled, described as driving a white car. FAIL!

An eyewitness says it was like a “snow globe of cash” when bags of currency spilled from an armored truck along Interstate 270 in central Maryland. Attorney Heather Kelly says she was driving to her office Friday morning when she saw currency blowing around and drivers stopping to grab fistfuls of cash. Kelly says about 30 cars pulled over on both shoulders of the highway.  The cops are suggesting people give it back!

Earlier this week, SPIKE LEE STUPIDLY re-Tweeted what he believed was the home address of GEORGE ZIMMERMAN . . . the man who shot and killed 17-year-old TRAYVON MARTIN in Florida last month. Making his actions even STUPIDER is that fact that it was the wrong address.  The actual occupants are David and Elaine McClain . . . a couple in their 70s who work for a local school district. David and Elaine quickly became afraid to live in their own home . . . and ended up staying at a local hotel. Well…Spike APOLOGIZED for his idiocy. He said, quote, “I Deeply Apologize To The McClain Family For Retweeting Their Address.  It Was A Mistake.  Please Leave The McClain’s In Peace.  Justice In Court.”

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