MONDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBRITIES

Today’s CRAP ON has us chatting about the White House correspondence dinner (and the INSTANT comedy) and we chat some forgotten couples of the 90′s.  Plus, today’s Crappy BDAYS and your WORLD FAMOUS PORNO BDAY!

 

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The annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner was in Washington D.C. on Saturday night.  JIMMY KIMMEL was the featured comedian for the night and killed . . . but PRESIDENT OBAMA’S comedy routine beforehand also went over huge. They both made jokes about the Secret Service prostitution scandal, KIM KARDASHIAN, the President admitting in his autobiography that he ate DOG growing up, and more. Here are some of their best jokes . . .

FROM OBAMA:

FROM KIMMEL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcqYFPRyyp8


There’s a fun list of “Forgotten Couples of the ’90s” on Buzzfeed.com . . . and no matter how celebrity-obsessed you may be, you probably have forgotten about some of them.  Here’s the list!

RICHARD SIMMONS has been a frequent guest on the “Late Show with David Letterman”, but he may never do the s In an interview with “Men’s Health”, Richard says, quote, “I’ve never actually ‘met’ him.  You do the show with him, and when they go to commercial, they remove you.  You’re just not allowed to talk to him.  Or if you are, he’s very standoffish. “The last time I was on, we went to commercial and I was like, ‘I’d love to meet your wife!’  He was like, ‘You never will.’  And then I was like, ‘And see your son!’  And he was like, ‘You’ll never see him.’ And then we come back from the commercial and he’s all friendly with me again . . . You think I’m kidding, but I’m not making this up.” Richard says he “loves” Letterman, so he MIGHT consider doing the show again . . . quote, “when the time and everything is right.”

MEL GIBSON was on “The Tonight Show” on Friday night and addressed his latest in a long, long line of taped meltdowns . . . the one where he went off on the screenwriter JOE ESZTERHAS. And Mel’s comment to JAY LENO was, quote, “Maybe you don’t know this about me, but I’ve got a little bit of a temper.” Mel had hired Joe to write the screenplay to a movie about the Maccabees.  They were the Jewish fighters whose rebellion against the Greeks led to the holiday of Hanukkah. Mel says Joe never delivered on the script . . . instead he sent Mel a long letter criticizing him. Mel told Leno, quote, “The guy writes [me] a nine-page letter . . . if he put half as much time and effort and creativity and imagination into a screenplay . . . we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

On Tuesday, a 17-year-old named Weston Massett CRASHED his Ford Mustang on a street in Malibu, California.  It flipped and landed upside-down.  Fortunately for Weston, it landed right in front of PATRICK DEMPSEY’S house. Patrick saw the crash, GRABBED A CROWBAR, and ran outside to get the kid out of the car.  And he did. According to Weston, when he opened his eyes, Patrick was looking down at him.  He asked Patrick, quote, “Are you famous?”  And Patrick responded, quote, “I’m a doctor.”   Patrick waited with Weston until paramedics arrived . . . called Weston’s mother to tell her about the accident and keep her calm . . . and followed Weston to the hospital to make sure he was OK. Somehow, Weston wasn’t seriously hurt.  He was hospitalized for a concussion and a “stretched optic nerve” . . . but is expected to make a full recovery. The story didn’t get out until Friday.  SHAWN RYAN, who created “The Shield”, tweeted, quote, “True Story:  ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ actor Patrick Dempsey pulled my friend’s son out of overturned car after bad accident on Tuesday.  #GoodDude.”

Comedienne SARAH SILVERMAN recently upset EVERYONE by joking about abortion, but in an interview on a Lifetime talk show, she said that’s nothing compared to how shows like “The Bachelor” portray women. She said, quote, “I’ll tell you what’s offensive:  These shows that are on TV . . . 25 women in JC Penney prom dresses, fully grown, going, ‘He took us to a castle!’  No he didn’t.  Producers procured a castle!  And there’s 25 of you.  That’s how special you aren’t.” She went on, quote, “I think, ‘Wow, some young girl is watching this, and there should be a warning saying:  This is not acceptable behavior.’ “The biggest thing that a woman should realize is that there’s not just one slot for a woman in any given thing.  I think that’s something that society . . . men and women both . . . have enforced. “It’s in the ether that one woman’s success can only come at another woman’s failure.”

Here is the trailer of “This Is 40″…it’s a SPINOFF of Knocked Up:

CRAPPY BDAYS:
–Willie Nelson – 79
–Kirsten Dunst – 30
–Burt Young – 72  (Rocky’s no-good brother-in-law Paulie in the “Rocky” movies)
–Kunal Nayyar – 31  (Raj on “The Big Bang Theory”.)
–Johnny Galecki – 37  (Leonard on “Big Bang Theory”.  But to me he’ll always be Darlene’s geeky husband, David, on “Roseanne”)
–Isiah Thomas – 51  (Former NBA star)
–Cloris Leachman – 86

PhotobucketKurious – 35 – Today’s birthday girl has sucked longer and harder than the Kansas City Royals……in 80 fine films including:
“The BJ Adventures Of Dr. Fellatio Volume 19”
“Down The Hatch Volume 2”
“Mouth Whores”
“Knee Pad Nymphos Volume 4”
“I Love To Swallow Volume 2”
“It Don’t Matter, Just Don’t Bite It Volume 7”
“Panty Droppers Volume 2”
“Panty Uprising”
“Panty World Volume 7”
“Wet Spots Volume 7”

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