MONDAY’S DISCOUNT NEWS

In today’s Discount NEWS we have a guy who outsmarted a thief who stole his $600 bike and then put it on Craigslist. A guy who may have just set a record for drugs shoved in his b-hole.  And, we ask the WAR JURY…did a teacher go to far with the “cone of shame?”
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Whenever you have anything stolen, Craigslist HAS to be the first place you look for it.  Today’s idiot criminals DEFINITELY prefer it to pawn shops. Danny Lesh of Washington D.C. did that when his bike was stolen . . . and managed to outsmart the idiot who stole it. Last weekend, Danny’s $600 bike was stolen.  He immediately went on Craigslist, and yep, the thief had posted it on there for $100.  Danny knew it was his because of a unique sticker on the frame. Danny called the cops, but of course they said they wouldn’t be able to respond right away.  So Danny decided to handle it VIGILANTE style. He arranged to meet with the “seller,” then when the guy showed up, he asked for a test ride.  The guy said okay, Danny got on the bike . . . and JUST KEPT GOING. He says, quote, “This guy finally started calling me, and left a message saying he was going to call the police.”  Danny hopes he does . . . because that’s probably the only way the thief will get arrested.

We’d like to give tentative congratulations to 29-year-old Alex Boulet of Staten Island, New York.  Because while we can’t GUARANTEE this is a record . . . he just MIGHT have managed to cram more drugs in his rectum than anyone else EVER. Back on the 4th, a Vermont state trooper saw Alex swerving in his Chevy Malibu and pulled him over.  During a pat down, the trooper, quote, “felt a hard object . . . that was separate from his genitals.”  Investigators got a warrant for an X-ray. The X-ray showed foreign objects in his rectum, so Alex was given a laxative and some coffee.  And out came a plastic bag containing 84 individually-wrapped crack rocks.  That’s a TON of drugs in his rectum.  But it didn’t stop there. Another X-ray showed there was still more inside Alex.  So, with the help of more laxatives and coffee, five hours after passing the crack rocks he passed two plastic bags with 218 Oxycodone pills.  And he STILL WASN’T DONE. A THIRD X-ray showed MORE drugs.  So, yep, he took more laxatives and drank more coffee . . . and out came the final bag, containing 11.5 grams of marijuana. He was charged with possession of all three drugs and is currently in jail.

A cone-headed idea could cost a Florida teacher her job. Pasco County school officials caught Zephyrhills High teacher Laurie Bailey-Cutkomp using a cone-shaped dog collar dubbed “the cone of shame” to punish misbehaving students after some teens posted photos on Facebook last month. Parents saw the embarassing pics and complained. Ninth-graders at the west Florida school said the 47-year-old science teacher and former veterinarian fastened the “cone of shame” on students who arrived late or acted up in class. “I was in second period. I was drinking soda, and she said, ‘Do I have to put the cone on you?’” one unidentified girl said in a statement to the school board. “I didn’t say anything and she put it on me.” Bailey-Cutkomp brought the cone to school after showing students the Pixar movie “Up” during a slow day before spring break.

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