THURSDAY’S DISCOUNT NEWS

In today’s DISCOUNT NEWS we talk about an old man going out the BEST WAY POSSIBLE. Sketchers is in the news involved in a lawsuit from the FTC and the “all black people must leave” story from Walmart makes its way BACK into the news.
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On Friday night, 67-year-old Robert Gene White was at the Red Parrot strip club in El Paso, Texas getting lap dances.  But when it came time to pay, the dancers say he was unresponsive.Some employees tried to perform CPR on him . . . perhaps one of the strippers putting herself through nursing school? . . . but it didn’t work.  EMTs took him to a hospital where he was pronounced dead from natural causes.The El Paso County Sheriff’s Department didn’t release any other details . . . like WHAT natural cause killed him, whether it was a heart attack or something else.

For overweight Americans, and those looking for a healthier lifestyle, the claim was almost too good to be true — wear Skechers Shape-ups footwear and watch the pounds melt away. At a news conference Wednesday, the Federal Trade Commission said the shoemaker’s claims weren’t true and alleged Skechers violated federal law by misleading consumers. According to the FTC, Skechers agreed to pay a hefty $40 million fine to settle charges the California-based company deceived consumers by making “unfounded claims that Shape-ups would help people lose weight, and strengthen and tone their buttocks, legs and abdominal muscles.”

Back on March 14th, 2010, Donnell Battie of Winslow, New Jersey was at a Walmart when he heard an announcement over the store’s intercom.  Quote, “Attention, Walmart customers.  All black people must leave the store.” That announcement was made by a 16-year-old kid . . . NOT an employee.  The 16-year-old had managed to get his hands on the store’s intercom system.  He ended up being charged with harassment and bias intimidation. Now, two years later, Donnell has decided to SUE WALMART. Donnell is black, and, in the lawsuit, he says the announcement caused, quote, “severe and disabling emotional and psychological harm.”  He’s claiming that Walmart was negligent in letting someone access their intercom system. The lawsuit is seeking damages of $1 MILLION.  After the incident in 2010, Walmart apologized and said it was taking steps to make sure something like that didn’t happen again.

50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng is a zookeeper in China.  And his zoo just witnessed the rare birth of a Francois Leaf Monkey . . . they’re small, almost-endangered, and they’re rarely ever born in captivity. The monkey is just three months old, and he doesn’t have teeth.  A few weeks ago, a patron at the zoo tossed him a PEANUT, and he swallowed it whole . . . which blocked his digestion system and put his life in danger. So Zhang stepped in.  And he decided to try to coax the monkey to poop out the peanut by . . . wait for it . . . licking the monkey’s anus.  Seriously.  And he kept on licking for OVER AN HOUR.  And here’s the best part:  IT WORKED. The monkey pushed out the whole peanut.  Zhang says it was the only option, since the monkey is too small and its digestive system is too fragile for laxatives or other medicines.

A man who used a need and thread to sew his son’s but cheeks together has accepted a plea deal to stay out of prison according to reports. Randy Swopes, 52 was charged with aggravated battery and faced a potential five years in prison. His plea deal means he will serve 24 months of probation and 250 hours of public service for the 2008 incident. Swopes’ teenage son has Crohn’s Disease and was suffering from a Fistula, an abnormal connection between an organ and another structure. He needed medical attention but his father decided to sew and shut it himself rather than take his son to hospital. His amateur attempt at helping his son, resulted in an infection that put the teenager in hospital for almost a month. An assistant State Attorney said, Swopes accepting the plea is not a direct admission of guilt, but admitting there is enough evidence to convict.

WHATEVER YOU DO…DO NOT…I REPEAT…DO NOT GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH…ANAL FISTULA.  DON’T DO IT!

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