RING THE BELL: BAD NEWS FOR EMO/HIPSTER DOUCHERS

You’ve probably never heard of a disorder called Meralgia Parasthetica.  Wearing SKINNY JEANS can cause it.  They can compress the nerves in your thigh and cause numbness and tingling.  In the worst case, your nerve would have to be removed, leaving your leg permanently numb. Also, you know the ‘Emo’ haircut . . . where your hair hangs down over half your face?  Well, apparently it can actually give you a LAZY EYE. 

Dr. Karen Boyel of the Greater Baltimore Medical Center says there’s been a rise in Meralgia Parasthetica, and it’s all because of the rise of . . . SKINNY JEANS. She says, quote, “It’s a disorder that occurs when one of the nerves that runs in the outer part of a thigh gets compressed.  And pressure on it causes symptoms of tingling, numbness, and pain.” Apparently, it can also cause a BURNING SENSATION in your leg and pain in your groin.  And you’re already dealing with enough burning sensations as it is, right? If you wear heels with your skinny jeans, that can make the pain even worse. Fortunately, it can probably be treated if you wear looser pants.  You might need some anti-inflammatory drugs, though.  The extreme risk is that the nerve has to be removed, which would cause permanent numbness in your leg.

We didn’t think there were any REAL side effects to your kid becoming ‘Emo,’ other than wasting money at Hot Topic and writing lame poetry.  But apparently, there’s actually a MEDICAL risk. It’s because of the emo HAIRCUT.  You know . . . long dark hair hanging down over half your face, covering one eye completely.  You’ve probably noticed it on a few of the baristas at your Starbucks. Well . . . an optometrist in Australia named Andrew Hogan says that haircut could actually cause kids to develop a LAZY EYE. Hogan says the haircut forces one eye to do all the work, and the other eye to do nothing.  So if a kid keeps that hairstyle for too long . . . especially when they’re young . . . it can cause a lazy eye.

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