WEDNESDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY

In today’s CRAP ON we chat about how little people are HELLA pissed because of the new Snow White movie and who should write a NEW National Anthem? And we chat who celebrates a CRAPPY BDAY and chat the WORLD FAMOUS PORNO BDAY!
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The #1 movie at the box office last weekend was “Snow White and the Huntsman”….and now a group called the Little People of America is upset with the producers for using average-sized actors to play the dwarfs. Those actors include Ian McShane from “Deadwood”, Nick Frost from “Shaun of the Dead” and Bob Hoskins from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”.  They were shrunk with the help of digital technology. A representative from the group says Hollywood needs to start casting little people more frequently . . . quote, “This means both casting people with dwarfism as characters that were specifically written to be played by little people . . . and other roles that would be open to people of short stature.”

“Vanity Fair” and “60 Minutes” recently collaborated on a new survey, which . . . among other things . . . asked:  “Who Should Write a New National Anthem?” BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN came out on top, with 22% of the vote. The rest of the ranking broke down like this:

Dolly Parton (19%)
Stevie Wonder (18%)
Bob Dylan (11%)
“Star Wars” composer John Williams (10%)
Jay-Z (8%)
Madonna (5%)

As far as we can tell, it was a “multiple choice” survey . . . and those were the options provided. A “random sample” of 1,026 adults participated in the poll.  There were other questions, too . . . like “How do you feel about paparazzi photographers?” and “If your life were a movie, what type of movie would it be?” You can flip through all the questions, and submit your votes by clicking HERE.

There was a story going around last month about how SHERYL CROW forgot the words to one of her big hit songs at a gig, and she had just laughed it off…and part of getting older (She’s 50 years old)…..but as it turns out, she has a much more serious excuse: A BRAIN TUMOR. It’s benign, and her doctors told her not to worry about it.  That’s because it’s a “common” growth called a meningioma. Her rep explains, quote, “Half of us are walking around with [meningioma] but you don’t really know unless you happen to have an MRI. Sheryl is also a breast cancer survivor.  She was diagnosed back in 2006 . . . and beat it after undergoing minimally invasive surgery and radiation therapy.

We already knew the premiere of the History Channel’s miniseries “Hatfields & McCoys” was HUGE. Part One of the three-part series drew 13.9 million viewers, and set a record for the most-watched non-sports telecast in the history of basic cable.  And Part Three drew another 400,000 people to break THAT record. Well, all three parts ended up taking the top three spots in the ratings last week . . . meaning the show beat EVERYTHING on broadcast TV as well. The closest competition came from Tuesday’s episode of “America’s Got Talent”, which got 11.5 million viewers . . . about 1.5 million less than Part Two of “Hatfields & McCoys”. Lots of people are also tuning in for the NBA Eastern Conference Finals between the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics on ESPN.  Three of the first four games of the series were in the Top 10. As far as premieres go, the 9th season premiere of Fox’s “So You Think You Can Dance” was watched by 7.2 million people . . . and the new CBS show “Dogs in the City” got 6.7 million viewers.

CLIVE BARKER will probably be remembered as one of the greatest horror and fantasy writers of all time.  His work has led to the “Hellraiser” and “Candyman” film franchises, but as a boyfriend, maybe he’s not so super.  Clive’s ex-partner Emilian David Armstrong is accusing Clive of giving him HIV back in 1996. But they remained together until 2009, and now Emilian is basically suing Clive for kicking him out and leaving him BROKE. Emilian says Clive told him in ’96 that he’d tested positive for HIV, so Emilian should get tested, too.  He did . . . and he was also HIV-positive. He says Barker confessed to him that he’d once had a sexual relationship with his own cousin, who had AIDS . . . and he also engaged in sadomasochistic sex with others that involved syringes! Despite all that, the two of them decided to stay together. But in 2003, Emilian says Clive became addicted to prescription painkillers, and would mix them with alcohol, cocaine and crystal meth. He also started throwing, quote, “drug-fueled parties with young men ranging in age from 19 to early 20′s.” Emilian is suing for a chunk of Barker’s earnings . . . because he claims they were business partners.  He also says he was promised support for life. No word yet from Barker on any of this. It’s interesting timing, though.  The lawsuit comes right on the heels of the announcement that Clive had been hired to rewrite a movie that was already in development, called “Zombies vs. Gladiators”.

Amber Portwood is going to be in jail for a long time. A judge granted the Teen Mom’s request and is sending her back to the slammer for five years. Last month, Amber went before the judge in her drug case — saying she’d rather go back behind bars than comply with the terms of her treatment program. Although her attorney asked for leniency in the sentence, the judge enforced her broken plea agreement and sentenced Portwood to five years. Amber’s ex Gary Shirley currently has custody of their three-year-old daughter, Leah.

Three Days Grace has announced Transit Of Venus as the name of the band’s fourth studio album, which is due for release on October 2nd. The Canadian group unveiled the news via a video posted at its website, which also explained the meaning of the title. The group’s announcement video also featured clips of the band working in the studio. There’s no word yet on what the first single will be, or what kind of tour plans the group is putting together.

Smashing Pumpkins’ frontman Billy Corgan said he plans to make a reality show about running a wrestling organization. Corgan, who in 2011 launched the wrestling company Resistance Pro, says (quote), “We’re trying to get a reality show made. We just signed a deal with a big reality show producer. A guy with an incredible track record. We’re in good hands.” He added, “We believe that wrestling is fascinating on many, many levels. Socially, politically, even economically. The struggles independent wrestlers go through to try to find work. Those are real struggles that anybody can identify with. We want to show what goes on in a wrestling company behind the scenes.” By the way….the new Smashing Pumpkins album, Oceania, will be available in stores and online on June 19th.

MORRISSEY says he plans on retiring in two years, because he feels he’s been, quote, “aging a lot recently.”  He turned 53 last month. He says, quote, “I am slightly shocked to have gone as far as I have . . . this is my 30th year [in the music business].”  Morrissey was the singer of THE SMITHS in the ’80s. What we learned today: Morrissey wasn’t already retired.

WHITNEY HOUSTON’S mom CISSY has landed a “seven figure” book deal.  She’s going to share her favorite healthy casserole recipes.  Just kidding.  It’s a “tell-all” book about Whitney, which will include her take on Whitney’s drug problems and relationship with BOBBY BROWN. Well, at least she’s not capitalizing on her daughters death.

WEDNESDAY TV:
NBC SPORTS NET: GAME 4 of the STANLEY CUP FINALS at 7pm.
CBS: DOGS IN THE CITY – A pampered pet must adjust to life as a dog; Justin helps a police dog make the transition to civlian life.
FOX: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
CMT: THE 2012 CMT MUSIC AWARDS and the season premiere of MY BIG REDNECK VACATION

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
Uncle Kracker – 38  (Kid Rock’s DJ who became a minor success of his own.)
“Munky” -  42  (Korn guitarist)
Paul Giamatti – 45
Cam Neely – 47
Jason Isaacs – 49
Steve Vai – 52
MAX CASELLA – 45  (Benny Fazio on “The Sopranos” AND . . . VINNIE DELPINO on “Doogie Howser, M.D.”!)
Colin Quinn – 53  (Former “SNL” cast member and host of “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn”.)
Sandra Bernhard – 57
Harvey Fierstein – 60
Robert Englund – 65

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Gianna Michaels – 29 – today’s birthday hooker has sniffed more pickle than the Vlasic stork:
- Welcome to Boobsville
– Amazing Colossal Facesitters
– Bachelor Party F Fest
- Glory Hole Confessions Vol 4
– Manhandled
– Knock Up Mommy
– Black On White Crime
– Boobs Aholics
– F My Skull
– Praise The Load
– Load Almighty
- Penis: It Does A Body Good


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