FRIDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BIRTHDAY

In today’s CRAP ON we chat about the world’s love for CSI.  A Kevin Costner/Steven Baldwin fight.  And we have some quick stuff about Teen Mom, Seether, Green Day, and what movies come out this weekend.  Plus today’s BIRTHDAYS and PORNO BDAY!
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The rest of the world may HATE America . . . but they’re MADLY IN LOVE with our “CSI” shows.  Seriously, they’re a bigger deal than any other show, anywhere. The original “CSI” has been named the most-watched show on Planet Earth at something called the Monte Carlo Television Festival.  They have a company that compiles ratings data for 65 counties. The most-watched shows in three categories . . . Drama, Comedy and Soaps . . . then receive an “International TV Audience Award”. This past year, “CSI” led all shows with more than 63 million viewers worldwide. “CSI: Miami” and “House” were the other two winners. The U.S. cleaned up this year, winning all three categories.  “Desperate Housewives” won in the comedy category, and “The Bold and the Beautiful” was the most-watched soap. The U.S. competed with other countries in those categories . . . but the three nominated dramas were American.  And all of them were “CSI” shows.

MOVIES IN THEATERS THIS WEEKEND:
“Rock of Ages” It’s a movie version of the Broadway musical, based on the rock and hair-band music of the ’80s and directed by the guy who did “Hairspray”. Tom Cruise plays a rock star doing a farewell concert at the club where his career began, to keep it from being shut down.  And he does all his own singing. It also stars Paul Giamatti as Tom’s manager, Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand as the guys running the club, Catherine Zeta Jones as the repressed housewife trying to shut them down, and Mary J. Blige as the owner of the local strip joint.

“That’s My Boy” Just in time for Father’s Day, Adam Sandler plays a guy who impregnated his teacher when he was 13.  After he gets in trouble with the IRS, he reconnects with the son they created.  Andy Samberg from “SNL” plays his son. Susan Sarandon and her busty daughter Eva Amurri both play Andy’s mom. Eva is the deviant teacher who Adam nails in the flashback, and Susan is the present day version who’s rotting in prison for her crime. Some people are upset because that whole situation is played for laughs, since this IS statutory rape we’re talking about. The cast also includes R&B minx Ciara, James Caan, Adam’s wife Jackie Sandler as a masseuse, and Vanilla Ice and Todd Bridges as themselves.

KEVIN COSTNER has defeated STEPHEN BALDWIN in a court case that started with the BP oil spill. As you may recall, Costner is heavily invested in the manufacturer of a device that cleans up oil spills. Baldwin was invested in that company, too.  But he claims Costner DUPED him into selling his shares right before the company scored a $52 million contract to help clean up the BP spill. He and another defendant sued Costner for $17 million.  The case went to trial, and yesterday a verdict was reached.  Costner won.  He said, quote, “My name means more to me than money and that’s why we didn’t settle.”

ALICE COOPER isn’t all that impressed with what’s passing for “rock ‘n’ roll” these days.  He thinks that the rock spirit is about breaking the mold . . . and too many of today’s bands are assimilating into the mainstream. He tells Cincinnati’s “City Beat”, quote, “My pet peeve right now is that 80% to 90% of the modern rock bands are just testosterone-free.  I am listening to these bands and going, ‘Where’s the spark?  Where’s the fire?’ “These bands are whining like crazy.  It’s like they’re trying NOT to be rock stars. “If you’re in a rock band, you get in a rock band to be something different.  I guess modern rock bands really just want to blend in and I think it’s the most boring time in rock right now that I’ve ever seen.” There are a FEW exceptions, but not many.  He adds, quote, “JACK WHITE is amazing.  The FOO FIGHTERS are amazing . . . but when I see 99% of the other bands up there I say those bands can be anybody.”I just don’t get the fact that everybody is so against having image.”

Beastie Boys collaborator and producer Mario Caldato Jr., a.k.a. Mario C., says that there is a large amount of unreleased material in the band’s vaults that will quite possibly be released at some point. Despite the death last month of Beastie Boys member Adam “MCA” Yauch, Caldato said that fans will have a chance to hear more music from the trio. He explained, “There’s a handful of extra stuff from each record apart from Paul’s Boutique….including some stuff that weren’t used for Hello Nasty…(quote) “two or three tracks that didn’t get utilized that could be utilized.” He also confirmed that the Beasties had done some recording not long before Adam’s death, saying, “The guys told me that he wanted to record. So they hung out and did what they used to do — just lay it down and have fun.” He added that he wasn’t sure if those last sessions would surface anytime soon, saying, “We’ll take it slowly. No one’s thinking of doing anything right away. It’s too soon.”

QUICKIES:
6.9 million people tuned in for the premiere of the new “Dallas” show on TNT Wednesday night.  That’s a big score for cable.  In fact, it’s this year’s biggest cable premiere for a SCRIPTED show. Obviously, that excludes reality shows . . . and they’re also not counting the History Channel’s “Hatfields & McCoys” miniseries.

GREEN DAY has released a “trailer” for “Uno!” . . . the first of three upcoming albums.  It’s coming out September 25th.  The other two . . . “Dos!” and “Tre!” . . . will follow on November 13th and January 15th, respectively

Seether has unveiled the details of a new headlining fall tour that the band is dubbing the Triple Threat Tour. The trek will also feature opening acts Sick Puppies and Kyng, which is scheduled to hit Pops on September 28th.

Amber Portwood is locked up. The Teen Mom star checked into an Indiana prison on Thursday to begin her five-year sentence stemming from her December drug arrest. A judge originally agreed to let Amber complete a drug program in lieu of the sentence — but Portwood eventually quit the treatment in favor of prison time.

ON TV THIS WEEKEND:
SATURDAY:
NBC: Round 3 of the US OPEN and SNL is a repeat with Lindsay Lohan hosting and Jack White as the musical guest.

The tight roping thing is on CBS this weekend….but…check this out…this is the dudes GRANDPA…he wasn’t tethered…didn’t make it…

SUNDAY:
NBC: The final round of the US OPEN
ABC: Game 3 of the NBA FINALS
TNT: THE NASCAR SPRINT CUP MICHIGAN 400 (who’s psyched?)
HBO: TRUE BLOOD and the season finale of GIRLS
SHOWTIME: The season finales of NURSE JACKIE and THE BIG C
OWN: Oprah sits down with the Kardashians to figure out WHY they’re famous on OPRAHS NEXT CHAPTER
DISCOVERY: The season finale of MYTHBUSTERS

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
–Neil Patrick Harris – 39
–Leah Remini – 42  (Carrie on “King of Queens”)
–Greg Kinnear – 49
–Will Forte – 42  (A.K.A. MacGruber from SNL)
–Ice Cube – 43
–Courteney Cox – 48
–John Cho – 40  (Harold in the “Harold & Kumar” movies)
–Helen Hunt – 49
–Venus Williams – 32  (Tennis star)
–Jim Belushi – 58  (“According To Jim”.)
–Ken Jeong – 43  (The Korean-American actor in . . . um . . . everything.  You probably know him best as Mr. Chow from “The Hangover” movies or as Ben Chang on “Community”.)
–The Ultimate Warrior – 53  (Former WWF superstar rassler… legally changed his name to Warrior in 1993)
–Abby Elliott – 25  (SNL….Daughter of Chris Elliott)
–Tim Lincecum – 28  (2 time Cy Young award winning pitcher for the San Francisco Giants)
–Laurie Metcalf – 57  (Jackie on “Roseanne”)
–Joe Piscopo – 61
–Barry Manilow – 69
–Newt Gingrich – 69
–Phil Mickelson – 42  (Honky golfer extraordinaire)
–Mark Linn-Baker – 58  (Cousin Larry on “Perfect Strangers”)
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Christy Canyon – 46- Today’s birthday girl is a living legend in the porn industry…the spread eagle star of more than 250 fine films including:
“The Incredible Edible Christy Canyon”
“Sex Fifth Avenue”
“Attack of the Monster Mammaries”
“On Golden Blonde”
“Orifice Party”
“Backdoor Summer Volume 1”
“Super Six Hour Raunch-o-rama Volume 3”
“What Happens In Christy Stays In Christy”

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