MONDAY’S CRAP ON CELEBS & TODAY’S PORNO BDAY

Today’s CRAP ON CELEBS has us chatting about the death of Tom and Katie and Alec Baldwin loses his ISH on another photographer.  Plus, we have today’s CRAPPY BDAYS and the world famous PORNO BIRTHDAY!

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After five and a half years of marriage, TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES are getting divorced.  Katie filed for divorce on Thursday. The same day the papers were filed, Katie and Suri were seen moving out of the New York City apartment they shared with Tom and into another place elsewhere in the city.  TMZ says Katie will seek primary physical custody. Either Tom was taken totally by surprise by this filing, or he’s done a good job of LYING lately.  In a recent “Playboy” interview to promote “Rock of Ages”, Tom had this to say about his wife . . .”Everything she does, she does with this beautiful creativity.  She’s funny and charming, and when she walks into the room, I just feel better . . . What we have is very special.” So much for that. There are, of course, sources who claim that Katie left because she doesn’t want Tom to get Suri into Scientology . . . and she’s fighting for custody so she has a say in Suri’s religious upbringing. At 6, Suri is right around the age where a child’s involvement in Scientology supposedly becomes a lot more serious . . . which is why Katie chose now to leave Tom. Here’s some interesting trivia:  TOM CRUISE has been married three times . . . and each of his marriages ended when his wife was 33. Tom married the big boobed MIMI ROGERS in 1987.  When they split in 1990, she was 33. NICOLE KIDMAN was 23 years old when she married Tom in 1990. They separated 10 years later. And now, KATIE HOLMES, who turned 33 in December.

ALEC BALDWIN married his girlfriend on Saturday at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in New York City. Guests included his “30 Rock” co-star Tina Fey, his brothers Stephen and Billy . . . plus Woody Allen and his wife Soon-Yi, “Saturday Night Live” producer Lorne Michaels and Robert Kennedy Jr. But the weekend didn’t start on a positive note, because on Friday, Alec exploded on yet another paparazzi scumbag outside his apartment building. It happened when a woman who lives in the building tried to block the photographer from taking Alec’s picture.  The photographer started arguing with the woman, so Alec chased him down, grabbed him by the arm, backed him up against a van and told him to leave his neighbor alone.After informing Alec that he was BREAKING HIS ARM, the guy said, quote, “All we’re doing is taking your picture.”  To which Alec replied, quote, “I want you to shut the [eff] up . . . get out of here . . . leave my neighbor alone.” Then the guy said, quote, “I was just telling you to have a good wedding” . . .and Alec got right in his face and after a pretty vicious verbal beatdown, Alec called the dude a “little girl” and walked away. Oh, and he did all of this with a pink stuffed animal under his arm.

ADELE is PREGNANT.  The father is either Ben or Jerry……but it has yet to be confirmed. Actually it’s her boyfriend, and subject of her next breakup/crybaby album. Adele wrote a post on her website announcing the news. She says she’s very excited…..blah blah blah….and wants everyone to respect her privacy blah blah blah. Adele is 24…..and her chubby chasing boyfriend is 38. He’s divorced and already has a daughter.

QUICK STUFF ON TV:

The premiere of CHARLIE SHEEN’S new FX show “Anger Management” drew 5.5 million viewers.  It was immediately followed by a second episode that attracted 5.7 million viewers. That’s enough to make it the most-watched debut in the history of the network . . . and the most-watched “scripted primetime comedy series premiere in cable history,” not counting children’s shows. Those aren’t the kind of numbers “Two and a Half Men” delivers on CBS, but for cable, this is a great start.  That’s important because if the show’s first 10 episodes are a success, FX will sign off on producing 90 MORE over the next two years.

TNT’s new “Dallas” show has been renewed for a second season, which will begin sometime next year.  It has averaged 6.9 million viewers since premiering earlier this month.  (–The show is four episodes into its 10-episode first season.)

Woody is bummed that yet ANOTHER show he liked has been canceled. A&E has announced that “Breakout Kings” is over after only two seasons. Hella weak!

The lead screamer/growler for death metal band LAMB OF GOD (RANDY BLYTHE) is expected to post $200,000 bail in the Czech Republic today.  He’s been held there since being arrested for manslaughter last Wednesday, after the band arrived in the country to perform in Prague. The show was canceled, and the rest of the band returned to the U.S. this weekend. Randy is being blamed for the death of a 19-year-old local “fan” who went onstage during a show there in 2010.  Supposedly, the fan “physically engaged” him . . . and Randy threw him off the stage.  But he didn’t land safely. He hit his head, and died several days later of “bleeding in the brain.”  For what it’s worth, an autopsy showed the fan wasn’t drunk or under the influence of drugs. A Czech news report aired some low-quality footage, where you can see someone flying off the stage . . . and TWO people pushing him. We’ve got the video on today’s show blog. Randy could be facing up to 10 years in prison, but reps for the band say he hasn’t been formally charged with anything yet. DISTURBED singer DAVID DRAIMAN has Randy’s back.  He Tweeted, quote, “[Randy] didnt ‘slaughter’ anyone.  The kid jumped on stage and started a brawl, and Randy defended himself.”

QUICK STUFF:

Erin Andrews, one of television’s most popular sports personalities, has rejoined the FOX Sports family. She’s gonna host FOX’s new prime time college football pregame show and will make significant contributions to the network’s NFL and MLB coverage, along with other sports properties, as part of a multiyear deal announced by FOX on Sunday.

SLIPKNOT guitarist JIM ROOT wasn’t with the band when they kicked off this year’s Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival on Saturday . . . because he’s recovering from a “burst appendix.” The band says he “hopes to join the tour as soon as he is able.” This was Slipknot’s first performance in the U.S. since the death of bassist PAUL GRAY in May of 2010.

INSANE CLOWN POSSE is releasing their next album, “The Mighty Death Pop!”, in THREE versions on August 14th . . . each with a different bonus disc. One is a COVERS album . . . one has a 67-minute song called “Freaky Tales” . . . and the last one will have different versions of the new songs with special guests like Fred Durst, Ice Cube and Kreayshawn.

MOVIE STUFF:

It was R-rated comedy versus R-rated comedy at the box office this weekend, and they both ended up winners.  In fact, it was the first time EVER that two R-rated movies made more than $21 million in the same weekend.  And they made a LOT more . . .MARK WAHLBERG’S “Ted” was #1 with $54.1 million. But even though CHANNING TATUM’S “Magic Mike” took 2nd place, its $39.2 million haul was considerably more profitable, since the movie only cost about $7 million to make. By the way…..Yes, ladies, “Magic Mike” is mostly for you.  But the only person whose goods you REALLY get to see is OLIVIA MUNN.  She goes topless.

Movie audiences were all over “Ted” this weekend.  But there’s someone out there who might just love him more:  The PLUSHIES! These are people who are SEXUALLY AROUSED by stuffed animals, people in fuzzy animal costumes and the like.
There’s a porno website that even wants to make Ted its new mascot.  The company wrote a letter to creator SETH MACFARLANE saying, quote, “Not since Alf has there been this kind of excitement over a stuffed animal.”  No word back yet from Seth.

Here are this week’s Top 5:
1.) “Ted”
2.) “Magic Mike”
3.) “Brave”
4.) “Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection”
5.) “Madagascar 3″

CRAPPY BDAYS:
–Lindsay Lohan – 26
–Larry David – 65  (HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and co-creator of “Seinfeld”.)
–Jose Canseco – 48
–Richard Petty – 75  (NeckCAR legend)
–Ashley Tisdale – 27
–Bret  “THE HITMAN” Hart – 55   (Rassler)
–Polly Holliday – 75  (Flo on “Alice” and the spin-off “Flo”.  “KISS MY
GRITS!”)


Julie Night – 34 – Today’s birthday girl has spit more seed than kid eating a watermelon…….in 342 fine films including:
“On Your Knees Bitch”
“Pull My Hair And Call Me Stupid”
“Rectal Rooter Volume 4″
“Kinky Rubber Lovers Volume 2”
“Tinkle Time Volume 3″
“Toilet Bowl Bitches”
“Backwash Babes Volume 1″
“Anal Expedition Volume 2”
“3 Black Bros and 1 White Ho Volume 1”
“Bride Of Dong”

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