Listen, stealing beer is hoosier. There is no denying it. Stealing PBR…a tad bit more hooshe. But when you shove the can down your PANTS and then use the, “It’s my DONG” defense. Well that’s easily HEADLINE HOOSHE!
Jonathan Scull, 26, allegedly tried to steal two cans of beer from a liquor store by shoving them in his pants, then told an employee that the cans were his penis . The Medford, Mass., man went into Woody’s Liquors on the evening of Feb. 26, when the female employee, whose name has not been released, says she saw him drop the cans in his trousers and walk out. She told police she followed him out of the store and asked what the bulge around his ankle was, and he replied, “It’s my [genitals].” The woman said she pointed out that the bulge around his ankle was clearly not his genitals” and he proceeded to chuck the can at her head and run away. She called police, who say when they caught up to Scull, he swore and yelled at them, claiming that if they didn’t have badges, he would have killed them. According to cops Scull was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, resisting arrest and shoplifting.